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Pathetic [Dec. 1st, 2010|05:20 pm]
Why am I so pathetic? I feel too destroyed to build myself back up to be anything worthwhile. My nerves are shot. My life is shit. I hate who I am and what I have become. I don't have any real hope or joy anymore. I just feel like I am lingering...not living. I don't see the point in anything. Why do I continue to do the things I do? I can't take the fucking nightmares anymore. I can't sleep and when I do all I see is violence and death and destruction to everyone and everything I have ever loved. I am constantly surrounded by death. It looms over me like a huge gray cloud. I just want to feel something good again. No one could love me like I am, when I can't even love myself. I used to take solace in the bottle. It made me feel good. Happy. Giggly. Now it just leaves my mouth dry and my soul broken. It makes it worse. Just when I think there can't be a 'worse'...I get proven wrong. Here I am once again drowning in my own self pity. A futile exercise. No one can fix me or make me happy but me. But why bother

[User Picture]From: sweetjcandy
2010-12-14 02:44 pm (UTC)
I think you are awesome. at least you are not a complete failure like me. I try so hard and still everyone hates me. I work and am awake for over 24 hours and matt is still mad at me for not being awake in the evening and taking a nap, fuck I only slept from 9 pm till 1 am and then when i got up he was asleep. so he gets up this morning at six after I had another three hour nap and yells at me for not spending that time with him. so sorry I came home from work and cleaned house and then james showed up I drank one drink of tequilla and fell asleep. I hate my life. no one is nice to me except for you and the kids and they have to be.:( hang in there we all live even if we are misrable.
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